Imagine

Do you ever just sit with yourself and IMAGINE what it's like to be someone else. I don't mean just anyone else, I mean a person who actually exists. Maybe you know them in "real life" or maybe they are someone you've seen on TV or the movies, or maybe it's someone you have read about from history.

Or have you ever IMAGINED what it's like to be an animal. I remember when I was younger we used to ask one another, "if you could be any animal what would you be?" I usually never answered the same. I'm fickle that way. Most of the time I would say chimpanzee (so cute and funny), sometimes I would say horse (so stately and beautiful and strong, yet scary to me), sometimes I would say dog (man's best friend of course).

Sometimes I sit and think of the people in scripture. I mean I linger and let my mind IMAGINE what it would be like to be them. I imagine their voice, and their smile, and their frown, and their smell, and their size.

I kind of got a portion of this idea from bible teacher, Beth Moore. In some of her bible studies she will kind of IMAGINE what it might have been like for various people in scripture in various circumstances.

Sitting quietly is not my strong suit. Just ask anyone in my family or anyone who knows me well. But when I do reign myself in and choose to deliberately let my mind IMAGINE or think on people in scripture and what it was like for them, it just brings God's word to life for me.

I had a student at school today ask me to recommend a book of the bible to her. She is actually in my Sunday school class and she had her bible at school. I am so proud of this young lady for wanting to read God's word. I suggested Philippians. I love that book. Anyway, she took me up on it and when the time for reading ended she basically said to me that it was unreal how Paul could be so happy while in prison. I mean this man was joyful while being locked up. She had connected with Paul in some way. I was thrilled.

Taking the time to let my mind go to that prison cell and feel the temperature and smell the smells and touch the hard ground and imagine the sounds and then IMAGINE what Paul thought when he closed his eyes at night and what he said to God in the low times and what he hoped and prayed allows me to understand Paul more.

I've written before that we can never really "walk a mile in someone else's shoes", but we can try to put ourselves in those shoes, metaphorically speaking. We can try to understand their joy, their pain, their sorrow, their anger, their bitterness, their jealousy, their doubt, their fear, their happiness, their grief, their burden. I'm still learning to do this. At this point, I am a novice.

I failed miserably at this recently with a friend who lost a loved one several years back. She was sharing about her continued grief and pain these several years later and she had shared this many times and most times I had truly been empathetic, but this day, oh, I was not. I held my feelings in and I smiled and consoled on the outside, but on the inside I wanted to shake her. Shouldn't she be farther along in this process by now. I mean it's been a few years now. Come on, let's get with the program.

I totally failed as a true friend. I did not try to "walk a mile in her shoes." I wanted to throw those shoes off her and put a pair of dancing shoes on her and say get up and get on with it. I thought, "haven't you been like this for LOOOOONG enough?"

Maybe a smidge of what I thought is true, but there was no compassion, no love, no caring, just judgement.

If I had allowed my mind to really listen as she shared and IMAGINE the hurt and what it is like in her circumstances and tried to feel what she was feeling I would have looked more like Jesus inside than my own judgemental self. OUCH!!

Bobby and I go back in the morning for his CT scan. Scans are in our future for a while. The last scan in April showed no cancer and we were and are grateful. He continues to gain his strength back little by little.

I hope to "put myself in Bobby's shoes" tomorrow and IMAGINE what each experience is like for him. Of course, I will have to talk to him about it all and ask a bunch of questions. I won't leave it all to my imagination. :)

Prayerfully I will look more like Jesus on the inside this time than my own judgemental self.

Milestones

Well, it's been a spell since I have written here. I assure you life is happening, but formulating that into words for this space is another matter entirely. I just noticed that the last time I wrote a blog was March 10th and it is now April 4th.

As the the "old timers" used to say, "my, how time flies." I seem to be saying this myself a lot lately so I guess that officially makes me an "old timer." I think that's not so bad, in fact I'm in pretty good company if I do say so myself.

The month of March is known for its windy days, but this March ended with a BANG for us. The last day of March, the 31st was Bobby's last chemo!! Like I put on my "facebook" status a few days back, "can you shout, DONE!!!" (thanks for the cake, Franky and everyone) We started on Dec. 16th and ended on March 31st. What a journey.

We've traveled some winding roads and at times it's gotten narrow and the trail has gotten steep, we've slipped down a few times on some rocky paths, but never fallen over the edge, we've grown weary, but we've never given up.

The most beautiful thing to me about the whole journey has been that we have NEVER been alone. Never, not once. We've had each other, we've had family, we've had friends, but most of all we've had God.

We realize that this is just one milestone in this journey and that there are scans in our future for a while and doctor's visits for a time, but once again, what makes all of that not just okay, but REALLY okay is the fact that we are not alone.

We return to Vanderbilt at the end of April for another PET scan and a doctor's visit at the end of May. We hope and we trust that those visits will continue to show NO cancer as the last PET scan did, but one day at a time is how I've learned to live and I don't want to backtrack on that now.

One more time I say thanks, we say thanks. All the encouragement and prayers and caring and love is appreciated more than you can or will ever know.