I know all of us have had those experiences in life where we noticed something that was always there, but we had just never noticed it before. Several weeks ago Bobby and I were driving to Columbia and I noticed a house off to the left that I had never noticed before. The leaves were off the trees and I just happened to be looking that way and there it was. I know what you're thinking and NO this was not a new house. How had I missed it all these years? I don't know, but I had. Maybe you've driven a stretch of road over and over and over and one day you look over and there is a building or tree or something else and it's like, "where did that come from?" It's just one of those universal experiences that we all have. I love how we are all alike, yet all different.
Today in church we were singing a song that was one of my favorite praise songs several months back. I loved the song then and I still love the song now. Bobby, says I'm always saying something is my favorite and then the next day something else is my favorite. LOL Anyway, the song is Light of the World or Here I am to Worship.
The first verse and chorus lyrics are:
Light of the world
You stepped down into darkness
Opened my eyes let me see
Beauty that makes this heart adore You
Hope of a life spent with You
So here I am to worship
Here I am to bow down
Here I am to say that You're my God
You're altogether lovely
Altogether worthy
Altogether wonderful to me
Now, we have sung this song somewhat often at church in the past and I have a CD by Michael W. Smith with this song on it. As my niece, Clare would say, "AND YOUR POINT IS." (Clare's so funny) My point is... I had heard and sung and sung along with this song many many times. Loved the song, still love the song, but today that thing happened where I saw something I had never seen before.
As we began to sing and I sang the lyric,"Light of the world you stepped down into darkness" I saw something I'd never seen. I didn't tell a soul. It was just between God and me. I've always looked at that lyric as God left heaven and came to earth which is a hard dark place. I actually believe that is what the lyric does mean, but today it took on a different meaning to me. I believe God let me see a different slant on that lyric, "Light of the world You stepped down into darkness."
Bobby and I are in a pretty tough place right now. Tough to us, maybe not tough on a world wide scale, but a hard journey to us. It can "feel" dark at times. But, the Light of the world, Jesus stepped down into our darkness with us. He is here with us. He is in us. Oh, I just about shouted. I did shout inside and the shout came out through tears instead of my big mouth.
The person who wrote this song had and has no idea that God used his song to speak to my heart this morning in a small little TN town. Thanks, Kelvin (our worship leader) for choosing that song today. Thanks Tim Hughes for writing the song, but mostly thank you God for coming down to planet earth and making a way for me to know You and be known by You through Jesus so that You could be with me/us in our own individual darkness.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
A Full Day
Bobby had his first chemo yesterday, Wed. Dec. 16. It was a very long day and not a day you would ever hope for or want, but there were so many blessings in the day.
One of those is that we were sitting in the chemo waiting area waiting to go in for his very first chemo and our former pastor and his wife came walking in the room. Many of you are keeping up with their own journey through their blog. Wow, how amazing. We were all so stunned and so grateful to see one another. Our journeys aren't identical, but similar in some ways. We talked a good while with both of them while waiting. It was so good to see them after hearing and reading about their own journey with her cancer. Soon, we were called back to begin the chemo. and parted ways.
Little did we know that our chemo would be done in a private room with our very own recliners, not like his at home, but recliners none the less. His recliner was bigger than mine LOL, our very own TV and DVD player, which we didn't actually use except to watch the Vanderbilt information DVD, and our own sweet nurse we shared with a few other patience. We were not expecting the privacy, so that was just an extra blessing.
A few minutes after getting settled in our room, our former pastor stuck his head in and asked if we wanted anything to eat from a fast food Mexican restaurant he was headed down to. Wow, how nice! I mean with all that they are going through for him to drop by and buy our lunch was once again humbling. If you've read all of the blogs you've noticed that word keeps recurring in our lives.
Who knew that I would be sitting in a Vanderbilt chemo room eating chicken quesadillas and chips delivered to me by our former beloved pastor. Can you say surreal!!
Each of us had a chance to talk individually with our former pastor and friend throughout the day and it was good to reconnect and hear what was going on in their lives face to face and share our lives together.
Bobby did well with his first chemo. but like I said it was a long day. We finally got in our car in the parking garage at 6:45 p.m. Bobby was tired, but otherwise feeling good. He even wanted to stop in Columbia and go out to eat with one of his former quarterbacks who now coaches at Central. We had a good meal and conversation with him and came on home knowing that we had once again been so blessed and encouraged by so many of you as well as others.
Our day was full of chemo treatment, lab work, visits with old friends, good phone conversations, and traveling. So glad we are not alone. It was a full day. One that I don't think we will soon forget.
One of those is that we were sitting in the chemo waiting area waiting to go in for his very first chemo and our former pastor and his wife came walking in the room. Many of you are keeping up with their own journey through their blog. Wow, how amazing. We were all so stunned and so grateful to see one another. Our journeys aren't identical, but similar in some ways. We talked a good while with both of them while waiting. It was so good to see them after hearing and reading about their own journey with her cancer. Soon, we were called back to begin the chemo. and parted ways.
Little did we know that our chemo would be done in a private room with our very own recliners, not like his at home, but recliners none the less. His recliner was bigger than mine LOL, our very own TV and DVD player, which we didn't actually use except to watch the Vanderbilt information DVD, and our own sweet nurse we shared with a few other patience. We were not expecting the privacy, so that was just an extra blessing.
A few minutes after getting settled in our room, our former pastor stuck his head in and asked if we wanted anything to eat from a fast food Mexican restaurant he was headed down to. Wow, how nice! I mean with all that they are going through for him to drop by and buy our lunch was once again humbling. If you've read all of the blogs you've noticed that word keeps recurring in our lives.
Who knew that I would be sitting in a Vanderbilt chemo room eating chicken quesadillas and chips delivered to me by our former beloved pastor. Can you say surreal!!
Each of us had a chance to talk individually with our former pastor and friend throughout the day and it was good to reconnect and hear what was going on in their lives face to face and share our lives together.
Bobby did well with his first chemo. but like I said it was a long day. We finally got in our car in the parking garage at 6:45 p.m. Bobby was tired, but otherwise feeling good. He even wanted to stop in Columbia and go out to eat with one of his former quarterbacks who now coaches at Central. We had a good meal and conversation with him and came on home knowing that we had once again been so blessed and encouraged by so many of you as well as others.
Our day was full of chemo treatment, lab work, visits with old friends, good phone conversations, and traveling. So glad we are not alone. It was a full day. One that I don't think we will soon forget.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Surprise Suprise
Tomorrow, Dec. 16th is the day we go for Bobby's first chemo at Vanderbilt.
Little did we know that we would be welcomed home today with the surprise of a lifetime.
I came home from school today a little after 3:00 and when the garage door went up Bobby's truck was in the garage, but there was something else awaiting me that stunned me. Hanging on our garage wall was a big homemade banner saying, "We love you", hanging on the door entering our utility room was a huge homemade red heart with 4 smaller yellow hearts each one with a message of love. As I entered the utility room, there were two balloons hanging there. Next, I entered the kitchen and there was a basket of goodies with two more balloons hanging from the basket. All throughout the kitchen, dining room, den, our bedroom, our bathroom, and the computer area there were individual cards inside of envelopes. There was a small poster on our TV corner cabinet, there was a poster on our bathroom mirror, there was a poster on another door, there was a gift sitting on our bed, there was a hand drawn or painted book bag sitting on my stool in our bedroom filled with items. There was a new message scrolling across our computer screen. It said in pink, "We love you Uncle Bobby and Aunt Sue."
Talk about the surprise of the universe!!!
What was all of this about. While we were at school going about our usual routine, my brother and sister-in-law had driven an hour and forty-five minutes to surprise us with this most encouraging and amazing show of love and care. They drove here, set everything up and then left. They along with my parents, my other brother and sister-in-law and four nieces had made all the posters, signs, cards, and put together all the goodies and gifts. Humbling is not even adequate for how we felt.
Bobby had come home earlier and found all of it first and just had no idea how everything got set up in our house. He thought maybe they had given me all the stuff earlier and I had set it out. Not the case. We both had no clue.
Each one of them had written a card. Each card fit their personalities to a tee. Each card was priceless.
After phone calls to try to express our gratitude, I put on some praise music and just basically had a crying spell. I mean I just could not contain the emotion of praise to God and just love for my family.
Once again, people being the hands and feet of Jesus to us. I said in my first post I am learning to receive with joy.
We received joyfully today.
Little did we know that we would be welcomed home today with the surprise of a lifetime.
I came home from school today a little after 3:00 and when the garage door went up Bobby's truck was in the garage, but there was something else awaiting me that stunned me. Hanging on our garage wall was a big homemade banner saying, "We love you", hanging on the door entering our utility room was a huge homemade red heart with 4 smaller yellow hearts each one with a message of love. As I entered the utility room, there were two balloons hanging there. Next, I entered the kitchen and there was a basket of goodies with two more balloons hanging from the basket. All throughout the kitchen, dining room, den, our bedroom, our bathroom, and the computer area there were individual cards inside of envelopes. There was a small poster on our TV corner cabinet, there was a poster on our bathroom mirror, there was a poster on another door, there was a gift sitting on our bed, there was a hand drawn or painted book bag sitting on my stool in our bedroom filled with items. There was a new message scrolling across our computer screen. It said in pink, "We love you Uncle Bobby and Aunt Sue."
Talk about the surprise of the universe!!!
What was all of this about. While we were at school going about our usual routine, my brother and sister-in-law had driven an hour and forty-five minutes to surprise us with this most encouraging and amazing show of love and care. They drove here, set everything up and then left. They along with my parents, my other brother and sister-in-law and four nieces had made all the posters, signs, cards, and put together all the goodies and gifts. Humbling is not even adequate for how we felt.
Bobby had come home earlier and found all of it first and just had no idea how everything got set up in our house. He thought maybe they had given me all the stuff earlier and I had set it out. Not the case. We both had no clue.
Each one of them had written a card. Each card fit their personalities to a tee. Each card was priceless.
After phone calls to try to express our gratitude, I put on some praise music and just basically had a crying spell. I mean I just could not contain the emotion of praise to God and just love for my family.
Once again, people being the hands and feet of Jesus to us. I said in my first post I am learning to receive with joy.
We received joyfully today.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Starry Starry Night
Dec. 8, a week ago tomorrow as I write this, I was at school, I am a middle school librarian. It was my lunch/planning period. On Tuesdays my lunch and planning are back to back and so it's an extended time without students.
I was sitting in the library over by the window thinking when the thought entered my mind about the stars. I began to think about the stars and how the stars are always in the sky. They don't go away and come out only at night. I realize these thoughts are somewhat elementary. I mean it sounds like a question for the new game show, Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader. "I'll take second grade science, please", but I digress. LOL These thoughts are certainly not original with me and it's not even the first time I had thought about this kind of thing, but this day it was different.
I thought about the stars and how they are always there, but how sometimes it was hard if not impossible to see them in all the light. On a bright, beautiful sunny day, you just notice that one huge golden star and that's about it.
That's when my mind began to think about when I do see the stars the most clearly. It's on one of those coal black nights. When you're out in the country away from all the city lights, the car lights, the cell phone lights, the t.v. lights, the computer monitor lights and you look up into the jet black sky and there are trillions of diamonds, stars lighting up the darkness. The beauty in the darkness is breathtaking at times. It's AWEsome.
That's when my mind turned to the fact that in this journey we are on, when it seems dark, jet black, maybe darker than ever before for us, I'm seeing more light than ever. I am seeing the beauty in the darkness. I'm seeing the light of Christ shining brighter than ever before. I'm seeing the light of Christ living in others.
Tangible examples of this are so numerous and every one has been special to us. It is so hard to single out just a few, but here are some that come to mind.
A friend who has gone through his own grief in the last few years took his time and hand carved Bobby a wooden plague that says HOPE. He told Bobby someone had given a similar one to him in his own journey.
Bobby's uncle and aunt who live out of town had a T-shirt made with his name, a Panther, and Lewis County Panthers on the back and then had their church pray over the shirt. They sent it to Bobby with a letter stating that when he wears it that it would be a remembrance that many have and are praying for him.
The day we received the news that Bobby had lymphoma he had two amazing friends and our doctor(his cousin and friend as well) sitting in our den encouraging him, answering questions, and helping us make decisions. Not to mention all the others that called and came by later that day and night.
Sunday a friend came by with BBQ from a special BBQ place in Lexington that we like to stop at when we visit my family in Milan. He came over and said they were coming through Lexington on the way home from Jackson and passed B.E. Scott's BBQ. He turned the car around and went back just to get the BBQ for Bobby. We weren't sure how he knew we liked the place. I am sure Bobby had mentioned it in the past to him, but the fact he had remembered that and took the time to turn around and go back just for Bobby. Humbling.
Prayer partners who pray with me, for me, and honestly speak into my life before this journey and during this journey are light in the darkness.
I John 1:5 The apostle John speaking " This is message we have heard from Him and declare to you. God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all."
That day sitting in the library I did not learn anything new, it just became more real. This journey may seem dark at times, maybe even pitch black, but the light shines brighter in the darkness.
Let's look to the stars and then look to the One who made the stars.
I was sitting in the library over by the window thinking when the thought entered my mind about the stars. I began to think about the stars and how the stars are always in the sky. They don't go away and come out only at night. I realize these thoughts are somewhat elementary. I mean it sounds like a question for the new game show, Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader. "I'll take second grade science, please", but I digress. LOL These thoughts are certainly not original with me and it's not even the first time I had thought about this kind of thing, but this day it was different.
I thought about the stars and how they are always there, but how sometimes it was hard if not impossible to see them in all the light. On a bright, beautiful sunny day, you just notice that one huge golden star and that's about it.
That's when my mind began to think about when I do see the stars the most clearly. It's on one of those coal black nights. When you're out in the country away from all the city lights, the car lights, the cell phone lights, the t.v. lights, the computer monitor lights and you look up into the jet black sky and there are trillions of diamonds, stars lighting up the darkness. The beauty in the darkness is breathtaking at times. It's AWEsome.
That's when my mind turned to the fact that in this journey we are on, when it seems dark, jet black, maybe darker than ever before for us, I'm seeing more light than ever. I am seeing the beauty in the darkness. I'm seeing the light of Christ shining brighter than ever before. I'm seeing the light of Christ living in others.
Tangible examples of this are so numerous and every one has been special to us. It is so hard to single out just a few, but here are some that come to mind.
A friend who has gone through his own grief in the last few years took his time and hand carved Bobby a wooden plague that says HOPE. He told Bobby someone had given a similar one to him in his own journey.
Bobby's uncle and aunt who live out of town had a T-shirt made with his name, a Panther, and Lewis County Panthers on the back and then had their church pray over the shirt. They sent it to Bobby with a letter stating that when he wears it that it would be a remembrance that many have and are praying for him.
The day we received the news that Bobby had lymphoma he had two amazing friends and our doctor(his cousin and friend as well) sitting in our den encouraging him, answering questions, and helping us make decisions. Not to mention all the others that called and came by later that day and night.
Sunday a friend came by with BBQ from a special BBQ place in Lexington that we like to stop at when we visit my family in Milan. He came over and said they were coming through Lexington on the way home from Jackson and passed B.E. Scott's BBQ. He turned the car around and went back just to get the BBQ for Bobby. We weren't sure how he knew we liked the place. I am sure Bobby had mentioned it in the past to him, but the fact he had remembered that and took the time to turn around and go back just for Bobby. Humbling.
Prayer partners who pray with me, for me, and honestly speak into my life before this journey and during this journey are light in the darkness.
I John 1:5 The apostle John speaking " This is message we have heard from Him and declare to you. God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all."
That day sitting in the library I did not learn anything new, it just became more real. This journey may seem dark at times, maybe even pitch black, but the light shines brighter in the darkness.
Let's look to the stars and then look to the One who made the stars.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
God Speaking
Monday, Dec. 7 was the day we found out that Bobby would have to have six chemo. treatments instead of three. I'll be honest, we were so hoping for just three and so many others were hoping and praying with us that it took me aback a tad for about an hour or so. We had gotten the news from Vanderbilt by phone call from a nurse and so this was not the best way to have news like that delivered. We knew that six was very likely, but so were hoping for three. I was disappointed, I cannot lie. Mostly all through this I have been so at peace and okay with all the news, but that one hit me a little hard. I couldn't really hide it from Bobby. He was in his recliner and I was in my wing back (our usual chairs) I guess everyone has "their chairs." Anyway, we talked a minute and I just couldn't put on that happy face. I was somewhat down.
Bobby told me that I couldn't get down and I just told him that I was sorry, but I could not "fake it." I went over to the recliner and he let the recliner down and I got on my knees and laid on his chest for 30 minutes or so before he had to leave.
Bobby had a District Football Banquet and left the house about 4:50 or so and that gave me time to get alone with God and surrender once again to the reality of what we were facing. God is faithful and after a couple of phone calls and me crying out to God to not abandon me now I was back with my eyes on Him and at peace.
Now, I realize that God does not abandon me. His word is truth and He tells me that He will never leave me or forske me. He tells me in Ephesians that I am sealed by His Holy Spirit. I realize the facts and I believe that for my life, but it was just the way I felt for that moment. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, " God, you're not going to abandon me now are You?" The very next words out of my mouth were "No, God I know you are not." I then proceeded to tell God that I desperately needed to hear from Him. I so needed to hear Him speak to me. I sat down in my bedroom chair where I read alot and took out a devotional book called, "Search my Heart O God" by Kay Arthur. I turned to that day's entry, Monday, Dec. 7th and began to read. It was just as if He was speaking right to me, well, actually He was.
Here is part of what I read, " Have you yearned for someone to take you by the hand and walk you safely through the traumas of life? Do you long to rest in someone's arms? In each of us there is a longing for the spiritual. And we're never more aware of it than when we come up against something we cannot control. Dear one, there is One who is always available to listen, to guide, and to mark your life with the imprint of His own. God wants to speak to your heart right now through His Word and by His Spirit. Won't you spend time with Him, praying and reading His word, letting Him speak to you?"
When I finished reading, I knew God was speaking. I did go to Him in His word and He was once again so faithful and so amazing to set my eyes back on Him and off the circumstances and the peace flooded back into me. This took place over an hour or two in God's word with different verses or passages coming into my mind. I then leaned my head back in my chair and began to pray for some others going through some things and then fell alseep. I was later awakened by the slight hum and vibration of my cell phone in my pocket. It was my friend Tracy checking in on me. What would we do without friends and family who love us and encourage us and pray for us and with us, even on the phone.
One of the scriptures that I was reminded of that night was in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. It's the passage where Paul talks about his thorn in the flesh. Back in Sept. 2008 I believe that God showed me something from that passage and I had written it down and dated it in my bible, not realizing that it would help me over a year later in this situation. Anyway, when I turned to this passage verses7-9, Paul speaking, " And because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me- to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
What I believe God had shown me back in Sept. 2008 and He encouraged me with Dec. 7, 2009 was the part, "And He said to me" Paul had asked God three times to take the thorn in the flesh away and He did not, but when God spoke to Paul, when Paul heard God's voice, when Paul knew God was speaking to him, Paul was okay. Same with me, same with anyone. When God speaks to us, we are OKAY. Friends are wonderful, family is precious, but absolutely nothing comforts like when God speaks. I know so many of you can relate. I know you can. You've shared with me your own experiences.
Once again, I emphasize if you have read my other blogs, I am learning, I have not arrived. As Paul says in Philippians 3:12, " Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus."
He's speaking, are we listening?
Bobby told me that I couldn't get down and I just told him that I was sorry, but I could not "fake it." I went over to the recliner and he let the recliner down and I got on my knees and laid on his chest for 30 minutes or so before he had to leave.
Bobby had a District Football Banquet and left the house about 4:50 or so and that gave me time to get alone with God and surrender once again to the reality of what we were facing. God is faithful and after a couple of phone calls and me crying out to God to not abandon me now I was back with my eyes on Him and at peace.
Now, I realize that God does not abandon me. His word is truth and He tells me that He will never leave me or forske me. He tells me in Ephesians that I am sealed by His Holy Spirit. I realize the facts and I believe that for my life, but it was just the way I felt for that moment. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, " God, you're not going to abandon me now are You?" The very next words out of my mouth were "No, God I know you are not." I then proceeded to tell God that I desperately needed to hear from Him. I so needed to hear Him speak to me. I sat down in my bedroom chair where I read alot and took out a devotional book called, "Search my Heart O God" by Kay Arthur. I turned to that day's entry, Monday, Dec. 7th and began to read. It was just as if He was speaking right to me, well, actually He was.
Here is part of what I read, " Have you yearned for someone to take you by the hand and walk you safely through the traumas of life? Do you long to rest in someone's arms? In each of us there is a longing for the spiritual. And we're never more aware of it than when we come up against something we cannot control. Dear one, there is One who is always available to listen, to guide, and to mark your life with the imprint of His own. God wants to speak to your heart right now through His Word and by His Spirit. Won't you spend time with Him, praying and reading His word, letting Him speak to you?"
When I finished reading, I knew God was speaking. I did go to Him in His word and He was once again so faithful and so amazing to set my eyes back on Him and off the circumstances and the peace flooded back into me. This took place over an hour or two in God's word with different verses or passages coming into my mind. I then leaned my head back in my chair and began to pray for some others going through some things and then fell alseep. I was later awakened by the slight hum and vibration of my cell phone in my pocket. It was my friend Tracy checking in on me. What would we do without friends and family who love us and encourage us and pray for us and with us, even on the phone.
One of the scriptures that I was reminded of that night was in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. It's the passage where Paul talks about his thorn in the flesh. Back in Sept. 2008 I believe that God showed me something from that passage and I had written it down and dated it in my bible, not realizing that it would help me over a year later in this situation. Anyway, when I turned to this passage verses7-9, Paul speaking, " And because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me- to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I entreated the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me.
What I believe God had shown me back in Sept. 2008 and He encouraged me with Dec. 7, 2009 was the part, "And He said to me" Paul had asked God three times to take the thorn in the flesh away and He did not, but when God spoke to Paul, when Paul heard God's voice, when Paul knew God was speaking to him, Paul was okay. Same with me, same with anyone. When God speaks to us, we are OKAY. Friends are wonderful, family is precious, but absolutely nothing comforts like when God speaks. I know so many of you can relate. I know you can. You've shared with me your own experiences.
Once again, I emphasize if you have read my other blogs, I am learning, I have not arrived. As Paul says in Philippians 3:12, " Not that I have already obtained it, or have already become perfect, but I press on in order that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus."
He's speaking, are we listening?
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Surrender
My life has been one of relative EASE. I mean I had lived 48 years somewhat unscathed by any "real" suffering. I am not saying I was living in an untouched bubble of paradise and had never had struggles, hurts, or loss but overall my life as I said was one of relative EASE.
This new journey, as I posted in my first blog has sort of changed that. This new place is a hard place. It's a place where I am learning to surrender, to be content.
When Bobby first felt a knot on the side of his face in June and then shared the news with me I was slightly concerned. He went to our local doctor and it was thought it was just an infected lymph node because he had had a virus for several days. When the antibiotics prescribed didn't fix it, he went back and was sent to another doctor who cautiously thought the same thing and another round of antibiotics was prescribed. Knot still there and with more time even getting larger. A needle biopsy and CAT scan were done in July and results came back, CLEAR. Yeah! We were relieved. Time went on and football season began (Bobby coaches) and the knot became larger. Back to the doctor and a recommendation to have surgery and take the growth out and biopsy it. The doctor even said it COULD be lymphoma. Bobby wanted to wait until football season was over. At that point, there were three or four games left, I think. On Nov. 11th he had the surgery and one week later to the day, we sat in the doctor's office together as he removed Bobby's stitches. There he informed us that it was lymphoma, but he did not know what type of lymphoma at that point. I've learned that there are about 30-40 types of lymphoma. My arms and hands got a little tingley, but other than that I was just as calm and okay. Bobby appeared the same. We stepped out of the doctor's office and walked out by the elevator and Bobby teared up for a moment. Then I'll never forget what happened next. He raised his hand to give me a "high five" and said it's going to be okay. The elevator opened and all I wanted to do was hug him and never let go, but of course, the elevator opened on the next floor and someone got on. Bobby isn't one for much PDA even after finding out about lymphoma. We reached the car and after some phone calls to friends and family we talked about it. We talked about several things, some of which I cannot remember(I'm terrible like that), but I do remember us talking about that we are in God's hands and that we are not alone. We have each other and we have God. We knew we had friends and family supporting us as well, but we would soon find out that we had no clue the SUPPORT we had. The outpouring of concern, prayers, and love was humbling and overwhelming to say the least. Bobby talked that day about how he has had a great life and has been blessed and how could he now complain about something like this. We were and are determined to trust God.
After we got home and things settled down from all the encouraging visits and calls, I had some time alone with God and I could say I was truly at peace with one slight glitch. I was trying to come to terms with the reality that "our lives" "my life" was going to be different. Remember, I had that life of EASE going on. Either that day or maybe the next or so, a good friend, Tracy called or I called her(that remembering thing again) and I shared with her what I was struggling with. She basically shared that it was SURRENDER. When she said that word "surrender" I knew that was it. I had to surrender the way my life WAS for how my life IS. Shortly after that conversation, another dear friend, Sherrie and I were talking on the phone and I shared with her the same thing and she used the word CONTENTMENT. These two insights from wonderful friends helped me as I got alone with God and asked Him to help me surrender to this new journey and help me be content.
The two passages that I believe God used to really speak to me were Philippians 4:11-13 Paul speaking from jail, "Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
Then Jesus before His arrest and crucifixion recorded in Matthew 26:37-39 "And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. Then He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt."
These two passages and some others I didn't write here, plus talking with God and friends led me to a place of surrender and contentment. If you read my first blog post you read that I am taking this one day at a time. Please understand this is a day by day by day surrender and contentment. I am learning as Paul did in prison, that in whatever circumstances I can be content. I can even be joyful because I have not been abandoned. God is near as Philippians 4:5 says. God seems more real than ever to me. For some mysterious reason, it seems in the darkest times, He shines brighter.(more on this in another blog)
Part of the reason I wanted to do this blog is because it gives me a way to say THANK YOU to all the people who are loving us through this journey. So one more time, I say THANK YOU for all the love, concern, prayers, talks, visits, Facebook messages, etc.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good as Bro. Mike my pastor says pretty much every Sunday. There is a song that I love from a few years back by Pam Thum. It says life is hard, but God is good. It's worth looking up on You tube. Anyway, I'm learning how true that is.
As the Florida quarterback, Tim Tebow, had on his eye black in the SEC Championships, John 16:33 Jesus speaking, "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Surrendered and contented today. What about you?
This new journey, as I posted in my first blog has sort of changed that. This new place is a hard place. It's a place where I am learning to surrender, to be content.
When Bobby first felt a knot on the side of his face in June and then shared the news with me I was slightly concerned. He went to our local doctor and it was thought it was just an infected lymph node because he had had a virus for several days. When the antibiotics prescribed didn't fix it, he went back and was sent to another doctor who cautiously thought the same thing and another round of antibiotics was prescribed. Knot still there and with more time even getting larger. A needle biopsy and CAT scan were done in July and results came back, CLEAR. Yeah! We were relieved. Time went on and football season began (Bobby coaches) and the knot became larger. Back to the doctor and a recommendation to have surgery and take the growth out and biopsy it. The doctor even said it COULD be lymphoma. Bobby wanted to wait until football season was over. At that point, there were three or four games left, I think. On Nov. 11th he had the surgery and one week later to the day, we sat in the doctor's office together as he removed Bobby's stitches. There he informed us that it was lymphoma, but he did not know what type of lymphoma at that point. I've learned that there are about 30-40 types of lymphoma. My arms and hands got a little tingley, but other than that I was just as calm and okay. Bobby appeared the same. We stepped out of the doctor's office and walked out by the elevator and Bobby teared up for a moment. Then I'll never forget what happened next. He raised his hand to give me a "high five" and said it's going to be okay. The elevator opened and all I wanted to do was hug him and never let go, but of course, the elevator opened on the next floor and someone got on. Bobby isn't one for much PDA even after finding out about lymphoma. We reached the car and after some phone calls to friends and family we talked about it. We talked about several things, some of which I cannot remember(I'm terrible like that), but I do remember us talking about that we are in God's hands and that we are not alone. We have each other and we have God. We knew we had friends and family supporting us as well, but we would soon find out that we had no clue the SUPPORT we had. The outpouring of concern, prayers, and love was humbling and overwhelming to say the least. Bobby talked that day about how he has had a great life and has been blessed and how could he now complain about something like this. We were and are determined to trust God.
After we got home and things settled down from all the encouraging visits and calls, I had some time alone with God and I could say I was truly at peace with one slight glitch. I was trying to come to terms with the reality that "our lives" "my life" was going to be different. Remember, I had that life of EASE going on. Either that day or maybe the next or so, a good friend, Tracy called or I called her(that remembering thing again) and I shared with her what I was struggling with. She basically shared that it was SURRENDER. When she said that word "surrender" I knew that was it. I had to surrender the way my life WAS for how my life IS. Shortly after that conversation, another dear friend, Sherrie and I were talking on the phone and I shared with her the same thing and she used the word CONTENTMENT. These two insights from wonderful friends helped me as I got alone with God and asked Him to help me surrender to this new journey and help me be content.
The two passages that I believe God used to really speak to me were Philippians 4:11-13 Paul speaking from jail, "Not that I speak from want; for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."
Then Jesus before His arrest and crucifixion recorded in Matthew 26:37-39 "And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. Then He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt."
These two passages and some others I didn't write here, plus talking with God and friends led me to a place of surrender and contentment. If you read my first blog post you read that I am taking this one day at a time. Please understand this is a day by day by day surrender and contentment. I am learning as Paul did in prison, that in whatever circumstances I can be content. I can even be joyful because I have not been abandoned. God is near as Philippians 4:5 says. God seems more real than ever to me. For some mysterious reason, it seems in the darkest times, He shines brighter.(more on this in another blog)
Part of the reason I wanted to do this blog is because it gives me a way to say THANK YOU to all the people who are loving us through this journey. So one more time, I say THANK YOU for all the love, concern, prayers, talks, visits, Facebook messages, etc.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good as Bro. Mike my pastor says pretty much every Sunday. There is a song that I love from a few years back by Pam Thum. It says life is hard, but God is good. It's worth looking up on You tube. Anyway, I'm learning how true that is.
As the Florida quarterback, Tim Tebow, had on his eye black in the SEC Championships, John 16:33 Jesus speaking, "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."
Surrendered and contented today. What about you?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Unplanned Journey
I never really thought blogging was "my thing." I can honestly say blogging is not something I thought I would ever do. Recent events in our lives and the inspiration, encouragement, and information gleaned from another blog just kind of led me to have the desire to share.
Several years back Bobby(my husband) and I decided that we would begin traveling to some great cities around our beautiful country. We carefully chose cities that peaked our interest. I was the one that did most of the research, usually on the web. Most of the planning and preparation was in my hands. That was part of the fun of it. Of course, there were the usual frustrations involved with any travel planning, but I could not wait to finally run all the information past Bobby and hear what he had to say about what I had discovered. The weeks and days leading up to flying out on our adventures were filled with much anticipation. The trip would finally be enjoyed and it would be time to return home. I could always predict what Bobby would say as we drove back into our home's garage, "There's no place like home."
Having said all that, we are now embarking on a NEW JOURNEY. This one was not planned by us. This one was not chosen by us. This was was not researched a head of time and carefully thought out by us. This one is not being looked at with excitement by us.
This one doesn't include airline flights, subway rides, ocean views, historic sites, or site seeing tours. This one is different.
This journey is like Bobby said to me the other day, "unchartered waters." Like a friend, Shelly said to me on Facebook, "a curve in the road"
I'll be honest, I am learning to take this one day at a time. You know the old song, "One Day at a Time Sweet, Jesus". If you're over forty you probably remember the commercials /infomercials for that song by Christi Lane. The thing is, I knew the song. I knew God's word in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". The problem was I wasn't living that way.
Sometimes it takes a new journey to make truths in our heads, a reality in our feet. In case that went over your head, I mean walking it out in everyday life. :)
One of the passages in God's word that has been a strength for us the last few weeks is Philippians 4:4-13. Verse 6-7 say, "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." then in verse 12 -14Paul says, "I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have LEARNED the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him(Christ) who strengthens me"
I am fully aware that we all learn in different ways, one way is on a journey. A journey we never would have chosen and never would have planned. I am learning on this journey. Learning can be painful. It can be uncomfortable and it can be unwanted. It can also be rewarding and refining.
Here are some things I feel I am in the process of learning...
I am learning that "no matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still." (quote from Corrie Ten- Boom) Holocaust survivor.
I am learning that friends are much more valuable than I ever knew(I think I've learned that one) :)
I am learning to receive with joy.
I am learning to cry out to God more honestly.
I am learning to worship in the hard place.
I am learning that God is the God of all comfort.
I am learning that the journey is unknown to us but not to God
I am learning to be CONTENT
I am learning to surrender
How can we ever thank the bundles and bunches of you who have lifted us in prayer, encouraged us with words, comforted us with food and visits, listened to us on the phone, prayed with us, laughed with us, awakened to pray for us, awakened with us on your minds, lost sleep for us, Facebooked love and concern, embraced us with your hugs, and on and on and on. There are no words. WE ARE HUMBLED, seriously humbled. The grace of God is being and has been poured out on us through you. THANK YOU Thank you ThAnK YoU
Will you learn with me?
Several years back Bobby(my husband) and I decided that we would begin traveling to some great cities around our beautiful country. We carefully chose cities that peaked our interest. I was the one that did most of the research, usually on the web. Most of the planning and preparation was in my hands. That was part of the fun of it. Of course, there were the usual frustrations involved with any travel planning, but I could not wait to finally run all the information past Bobby and hear what he had to say about what I had discovered. The weeks and days leading up to flying out on our adventures were filled with much anticipation. The trip would finally be enjoyed and it would be time to return home. I could always predict what Bobby would say as we drove back into our home's garage, "There's no place like home."
Having said all that, we are now embarking on a NEW JOURNEY. This one was not planned by us. This one was not chosen by us. This was was not researched a head of time and carefully thought out by us. This one is not being looked at with excitement by us.
This one doesn't include airline flights, subway rides, ocean views, historic sites, or site seeing tours. This one is different.
This journey is like Bobby said to me the other day, "unchartered waters." Like a friend, Shelly said to me on Facebook, "a curve in the road"
Just to fill you in, Bobby was diagnosed with a type of lymphoma on Nov. 18th. It's called diffuse large B cell non-hodgkins lymphoma. We met with an oncologist, Dr. David Morgan at Vanderbilt on Dec. 1st and he along with others recommended a type of chemotherapy. He will begin chemo on Wed., Dec. 16th and will receive six treatments, one every three weeks. The doctors were very honest and very positive and the prognosis was hopeful.
I'll be honest, I am learning to take this one day at a time. You know the old song, "One Day at a Time Sweet, Jesus". If you're over forty you probably remember the commercials /infomercials for that song by Christi Lane. The thing is, I knew the song. I knew God's word in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". The problem was I wasn't living that way.
Sometimes it takes a new journey to make truths in our heads, a reality in our feet. In case that went over your head, I mean walking it out in everyday life. :)
One of the passages in God's word that has been a strength for us the last few weeks is Philippians 4:4-13. Verse 6-7 say, "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." then in verse 12 -14Paul says, "I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have LEARNED the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him(Christ) who strengthens me"
I am fully aware that we all learn in different ways, one way is on a journey. A journey we never would have chosen and never would have planned. I am learning on this journey. Learning can be painful. It can be uncomfortable and it can be unwanted. It can also be rewarding and refining.
Here are some things I feel I am in the process of learning...
I am learning that "no matter how deep our darkness, He is deeper still." (quote from Corrie Ten- Boom) Holocaust survivor.
I am learning that friends are much more valuable than I ever knew(I think I've learned that one) :)
I am learning to receive with joy.
I am learning to cry out to God more honestly.
I am learning to worship in the hard place.
I am learning that God is the God of all comfort.
I am learning that the journey is unknown to us but not to God
I am learning to be CONTENT
I am learning to surrender
How can we ever thank the bundles and bunches of you who have lifted us in prayer, encouraged us with words, comforted us with food and visits, listened to us on the phone, prayed with us, laughed with us, awakened to pray for us, awakened with us on your minds, lost sleep for us, Facebooked love and concern, embraced us with your hugs, and on and on and on. There are no words. WE ARE HUMBLED, seriously humbled. The grace of God is being and has been poured out on us through you. THANK YOU Thank you ThAnK YoU
Will you learn with me?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
