Today was Round Three as I call it. We left out about 6:15 or so for Bobby's third chemo. On the drive out on 412 the sky to the east was just so pretty. Bobby drives up on chemo day and I drive back, we actually got in a little "debate" on the way up about that because I said that three weeks ago when we went up for his second treatment that I drove up and back and he said NO, he drove up and I said No, I could prove it and I went on like "Perry Mason" (I know, it dates me) presenting my case. I was so SURE that I was RIGHT.
Of course, the prosecution got his chance to present his case and unlike "Perry Mason" I did not win.
As we continued our ride we started around the by-pass in Columbia for those familiar with the area.
As all married couples do, I suppose, we ride in silence some and talk some. We brought along a little devotional book entitled, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young that my friend, Tracy loaned us as we travel this journey and so I opened it and read the entry for today, Jan. 27th.
It reads as if Jesus is speaking, "Trust is a golden pathway to heaven. When you walk on this path, you live above your circumstances. My glorious Light shines more brightly on those who follow this path of life. Dare to walk on the high road with Me, for it is the most direct route to heaven. The low road is circuitous: twisting and turning in agonizing knots. There the air hangs heavy, and dark, ominous clouds predominate. Relying on your own understanding will weigh you down. Trust Me absolutely and I will make your path straight."
After reading we began a short discussion of "how do we know that we are actually trusting God in all of this." Bobby said he knew because God is Who he has turned to, Who he has run to and I said that I knew that I was trusting God, because the peace I have and the "okayness" that I have right now and all through this is not natural for me. We both talked about the peace that God has given us. Peace is priceless. I think I have written in another blog about the peace of God being so precious and an actual reality. I am most thankful!
The scripture that has been our main stay that I have written before, but it never hurts to write again is, Philippians 4:6-7 "be anxious for nothing, but in all things by prayer and petition with thanksgiving make your requests known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
That peace was with us in the doctor's office today. That peace was with us in the chemo room today. That peace was with us at the Cheesecake Factory afterwards. Peace was with us on the drive home, and peace will be with us later this evening even if Bobby doesn't feel great. Peace is with us because Jesus is with us.
Learning and growing in peace. Shalom
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Tears
Ever have one of those things happen, whether it be dream state or awake state or somewhere in between, you're not really sure. Well, that's what happened to me early this morning. I'm not sure of the time. It "felt" as if it may have been in the four o'clock to five o'clock range.
I tried to express it to Bobby this morning before we got out of bed. We were lying there talking and I was just a chatter box. I mean I was just going from one topic to the next. I had so much to share. Anyway, I was trying to share with him about this dreamlike/awake thing that had happened earlier.
Basically, I cannot describe it well because I'm not clear of it myself. It's like when you awake and you have been dreaming, but you cannot remember the dream, but you know it was good and you want to remember so badly, but it will not come to you. It's like that but different.
Now that I have you thoroughly confused. :)
Here's what happened. I had a dream and I think it was about someone going through a tough time. I think the girl was going through some traumatic event. Anyway, the next part is the part I am not sure if I was dreaming or not, but I CLEARLY had the thought, "CRYING IS NOT A LACK OF FAITH, IT IS A RELEASE OF PAIN."
After I thought/heard that CLEARLY, I woke up or came out of that semi dream state and I just knew I could not forget that thought, "crying is not a lack of faith, it is a release of pain."
I kept saying it over and over in my mind and I wanted to get out of bed and write it down, but the warm covers felt so good and I could not get the motivation to step out of bed and get paper and pencil, so I just kept saying it over and over so I would not forget it.
I believe those words were for me in this journey we are on.
Something you have to know about me. I am a crier. I have no problem crying. I am not ashamed to cry most of the time. Crying is a cleansing. Crying helps express emotions too deep to express with words, crying is therapeutic, God gave us tears.
But, I think the words, "crying is not a lack of faith, it is a release of pain" came to me to let me know that if I cry about this journey we are on or if I have a time where I am not 100% rock solid and there is not a broad smile on my face 24/7 it does not mean I don't trust God. I believe it may have been from God. The words sounded so profound to me at the time. They sounded so comforting and so beautiful. I was so thankful for the words. They were such a comfort to ME.
Our tears allow us to pour out our hurt to God. God sees our tears.
Psalm 56:8 in the New American Standard version says, "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"
The KJV says, "Thou tellest my wanderings: put Thou my tears into Thy bottle: are they not in Thy book?"
The New Living says, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book."
My take away from all of this is God sees my tears and cares. Once again I am assured that He is with me and on this journey with me/us. I for one am most grateful
Pass the KLEENEX, Please.
I tried to express it to Bobby this morning before we got out of bed. We were lying there talking and I was just a chatter box. I mean I was just going from one topic to the next. I had so much to share. Anyway, I was trying to share with him about this dreamlike/awake thing that had happened earlier.
Basically, I cannot describe it well because I'm not clear of it myself. It's like when you awake and you have been dreaming, but you cannot remember the dream, but you know it was good and you want to remember so badly, but it will not come to you. It's like that but different.
Now that I have you thoroughly confused. :)
Here's what happened. I had a dream and I think it was about someone going through a tough time. I think the girl was going through some traumatic event. Anyway, the next part is the part I am not sure if I was dreaming or not, but I CLEARLY had the thought, "CRYING IS NOT A LACK OF FAITH, IT IS A RELEASE OF PAIN."
After I thought/heard that CLEARLY, I woke up or came out of that semi dream state and I just knew I could not forget that thought, "crying is not a lack of faith, it is a release of pain."
I kept saying it over and over in my mind and I wanted to get out of bed and write it down, but the warm covers felt so good and I could not get the motivation to step out of bed and get paper and pencil, so I just kept saying it over and over so I would not forget it.
I believe those words were for me in this journey we are on.
Something you have to know about me. I am a crier. I have no problem crying. I am not ashamed to cry most of the time. Crying is a cleansing. Crying helps express emotions too deep to express with words, crying is therapeutic, God gave us tears.
But, I think the words, "crying is not a lack of faith, it is a release of pain" came to me to let me know that if I cry about this journey we are on or if I have a time where I am not 100% rock solid and there is not a broad smile on my face 24/7 it does not mean I don't trust God. I believe it may have been from God. The words sounded so profound to me at the time. They sounded so comforting and so beautiful. I was so thankful for the words. They were such a comfort to ME.
Our tears allow us to pour out our hurt to God. God sees our tears.
Psalm 56:8 in the New American Standard version says, "You have taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"
The KJV says, "Thou tellest my wanderings: put Thou my tears into Thy bottle: are they not in Thy book?"
The New Living says, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book."
My take away from all of this is God sees my tears and cares. Once again I am assured that He is with me and on this journey with me/us. I for one am most grateful
Pass the KLEENEX, Please.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Special Day
This is the first time that I have sat down to blog and I didn't really know exactly which direction I was going to go.
Today is a special day. It's Bobby's birthday. He's going to KILL ME for telling y'all that. I didn't really have anything in particular to write, but because it's Bobby's birthday I just felt a need to write, so we will see what develops.
Who would have "thunk" when we met in 1979 in college that we would be on the journey we are now on? When you are young and when you are in that naive stage of thinking, things like lymphoma don't enter your mind or they didn't enter mine.
I tried about 2 weeks ago to find a copy of our wedding vows. I have one somewhere, I think. I looked where I thought it was and it wasn't there and so I am not sure I even have a copy, but I do remember our vows were the very traditional vows that you have heard many many times and many of you have vowed yourself.
I remember "to honor and cherish in sickness and in health until death we do part." Maybe not in that exact phrasing, but that was in there.
Sickness and in health. We basically went a little over 26 years in the HEALTH and now we're dealing with the SICK. I must say it is not what I "signed up for." I was praying the other night in one of those times when Bobby did not feel that well and I just told God that this is not what I "signed up for."
Just as I was typing this, I realize it IS what I "signed up for." Remember my vows, "in SICKNESS and in HEALTH."
In that movie that many of us LOVE "Steel Magnolias" there is that great line that says, " I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."
Well, I've had way more than 30 minutes of wonderful. Bobby and I talk sometimes about how we have lived longer with each other than with anyone else.
On this my husband's birthday, if you could look into my mind and read it you would see that I can honestly say that I would rather be with Bobby and Christ on this journey living one day at a time than any "Yellowbrick Road" that Hollywood could ever imagine.
You can keep your Emerald City, Yellowbrick Road, Munchkins, and Rainbow in OZ and I'll stay right here in the hills of TN with my "birthday boy."
Today is a special day. It's Bobby's birthday. He's going to KILL ME for telling y'all that. I didn't really have anything in particular to write, but because it's Bobby's birthday I just felt a need to write, so we will see what develops.
Who would have "thunk" when we met in 1979 in college that we would be on the journey we are now on? When you are young and when you are in that naive stage of thinking, things like lymphoma don't enter your mind or they didn't enter mine.
I tried about 2 weeks ago to find a copy of our wedding vows. I have one somewhere, I think. I looked where I thought it was and it wasn't there and so I am not sure I even have a copy, but I do remember our vows were the very traditional vows that you have heard many many times and many of you have vowed yourself.
I remember "to honor and cherish in sickness and in health until death we do part." Maybe not in that exact phrasing, but that was in there.
Sickness and in health. We basically went a little over 26 years in the HEALTH and now we're dealing with the SICK. I must say it is not what I "signed up for." I was praying the other night in one of those times when Bobby did not feel that well and I just told God that this is not what I "signed up for."
Just as I was typing this, I realize it IS what I "signed up for." Remember my vows, "in SICKNESS and in HEALTH."
In that movie that many of us LOVE "Steel Magnolias" there is that great line that says, " I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special."
Well, I've had way more than 30 minutes of wonderful. Bobby and I talk sometimes about how we have lived longer with each other than with anyone else.
On this my husband's birthday, if you could look into my mind and read it you would see that I can honestly say that I would rather be with Bobby and Christ on this journey living one day at a time than any "Yellowbrick Road" that Hollywood could ever imagine.
You can keep your Emerald City, Yellowbrick Road, Munchkins, and Rainbow in OZ and I'll stay right here in the hills of TN with my "birthday boy."
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Job's friends
In my last post I mentioned that I had asked Bobby how to help one of my friends who is going through a tough time right now and he had whispered in my ear to be a good listener.
Right after that I had been preparing for my Sunday school lesson out of the old testament book of Job. I decided to do a quick reread of the entire book. Just kind of a quick refresher of the book.
That's when I noticed something I had seen before, but in a fresh way.
For those not familiar with the story of Job, Job was an upright man who feared God who lost his ten children, his possessions, and health, boils covered his body from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. He was having a tough time.
Very early in the story he has three friends who come together to visit Job.
Chapter 2:12-13 says, "And when they lifted up their eyes at a distance, and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe, and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great. Chapter 3:1 says, "Afterward Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth."
Now, the fresh thought that came to me:
I had noticed in the past how the three friends rallied around Job and how they were with him and how they said nothing but were just PRESENT with Job. The part I am kind of speculating on and I don't know if this was the case because Chapter 3 verse 1 says, "Afterward Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth." I had always looked at this as the three friends sat with Job and they all, including Job were silent while Job was suffering intense pain and anguish. That very well could be the case. It seems to say that.
But, since Bobby had said to me that the way to help someone through a tough time is to "be a good listener." I thought Job could have been talking. He could have been sharing with them all that had happened. He could have been pouring out all the agony and all the anguish and all his feelings and the three friends could have been listening and then in Chapter 3:1 "Afterward, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth." Afterward, meaning after all his sharing.
No matter which way it was, Job's friends came. Job's friends were present. Job's friends agonized with him. Job's friends empathized with him. Job's friends attempted to comfort.
These three friends started off well, but with time it kind of went downhill.
If you read the entire book of Job you will see each friend trying to explain all of this and give Job advice of what to do. Bad advice it turns out. Much of the book is Job and the friends going back and forth with one another. Nothing the friends say is really helping Job.
Nothing is helping Job until God speaks.
When God speaks then Job is okay.
Same thing I wrote about in another blog about Paul's thorn in the flesh in 2 Corinthians and how when God spoke Paul was okay.
2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness."
I believe this was God confirming to me again what Bobby said about being a good listener. That's tough for someone who spent most of my fifth grade year in school writing off for TALKING and then in high school getting two paddlings for TALKING. I spent many years being told "Sue Ann, you are too loud." I have been called the mouth of the south in my younger days.
You know the old saying, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason."
They say, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Who is "they" anyway??
Now, to learn to listen. To close my mouth and learn to LISTEN. I am getting the message, now to obey.
Right after that I had been preparing for my Sunday school lesson out of the old testament book of Job. I decided to do a quick reread of the entire book. Just kind of a quick refresher of the book.
That's when I noticed something I had seen before, but in a fresh way.
For those not familiar with the story of Job, Job was an upright man who feared God who lost his ten children, his possessions, and health, boils covered his body from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. He was having a tough time.
Very early in the story he has three friends who come together to visit Job.
Chapter 2:12-13 says, "And when they lifted up their eyes at a distance, and did not recognize him, they raised their voices and wept. And each of them tore his robe, and they threw dust over their heads toward the sky. Then they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great. Chapter 3:1 says, "Afterward Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth."
Now, the fresh thought that came to me:
I had noticed in the past how the three friends rallied around Job and how they were with him and how they said nothing but were just PRESENT with Job. The part I am kind of speculating on and I don't know if this was the case because Chapter 3 verse 1 says, "Afterward Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth." I had always looked at this as the three friends sat with Job and they all, including Job were silent while Job was suffering intense pain and anguish. That very well could be the case. It seems to say that.
But, since Bobby had said to me that the way to help someone through a tough time is to "be a good listener." I thought Job could have been talking. He could have been sharing with them all that had happened. He could have been pouring out all the agony and all the anguish and all his feelings and the three friends could have been listening and then in Chapter 3:1 "Afterward, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth." Afterward, meaning after all his sharing.
No matter which way it was, Job's friends came. Job's friends were present. Job's friends agonized with him. Job's friends empathized with him. Job's friends attempted to comfort.
These three friends started off well, but with time it kind of went downhill.
If you read the entire book of Job you will see each friend trying to explain all of this and give Job advice of what to do. Bad advice it turns out. Much of the book is Job and the friends going back and forth with one another. Nothing the friends say is really helping Job.
Nothing is helping Job until God speaks.
When God speaks then Job is okay.
Same thing I wrote about in another blog about Paul's thorn in the flesh in 2 Corinthians and how when God spoke Paul was okay.
2 Timothy 3:16 says, "All scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness."
I believe this was God confirming to me again what Bobby said about being a good listener. That's tough for someone who spent most of my fifth grade year in school writing off for TALKING and then in high school getting two paddlings for TALKING. I spent many years being told "Sue Ann, you are too loud." I have been called the mouth of the south in my younger days.
You know the old saying, "God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason."
They say, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Who is "they" anyway??
Now, to learn to listen. To close my mouth and learn to LISTEN. I am getting the message, now to obey.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Random Thoughts
My Max Lucado "Walking with the Savior' calendar for January 15th said, " Life is too big to be resolved in one day...just take the challenges that come your way one day at a time."
Has Max Lucado been reading my mail? Thanks, Max for another reminder to live one day at a time.
Last night Bobby and I were talking about all the encouragement that we are receiving from so many people, many of you reading this right now.
Whether it be cards, e-mails, facebook, calls, etc. Then Bobby said something in a way that I had never heard before.
Those of you who know Bobby know about his "Sharpisms." Maybe I will share some of those on here sometime. I can hear some of you that know about "Sharpisms" laughing NOW.
Anyway, I digress, back to my point. This was not a "Sharpism." This was just a neat way of saying something. Bobby said, "encouragement comes from all corners."
I never thought about it like that. From all corners. I loved that. Encouragement comes from all corners. I think that would make a good "calendar" entry.
We continued to talk and I was asking him how I could encourage a friend of mine who is going through a rough time right now. Bobby said, " Do you really want to know?"
I thought, well YEAH, that's why I asked the question. He then got right next to my right ear and whispered real low, "BE A GOOD LISTENER." Not only was what he said good and what I needed to hear, the delivery was pretty profound as well. To whisper really low in my ear "to be a good listener." The point was made.
I know this was kind of a ramble, but it was just a few neat things that blessed me in the last day or so and I thought I would share.
Has Max Lucado been reading my mail? Thanks, Max for another reminder to live one day at a time.
Last night Bobby and I were talking about all the encouragement that we are receiving from so many people, many of you reading this right now.
Whether it be cards, e-mails, facebook, calls, etc. Then Bobby said something in a way that I had never heard before.
Those of you who know Bobby know about his "Sharpisms." Maybe I will share some of those on here sometime. I can hear some of you that know about "Sharpisms" laughing NOW.
Anyway, I digress, back to my point. This was not a "Sharpism." This was just a neat way of saying something. Bobby said, "encouragement comes from all corners."
I never thought about it like that. From all corners. I loved that. Encouragement comes from all corners. I think that would make a good "calendar" entry.
We continued to talk and I was asking him how I could encourage a friend of mine who is going through a rough time right now. Bobby said, " Do you really want to know?"
I thought, well YEAH, that's why I asked the question. He then got right next to my right ear and whispered real low, "BE A GOOD LISTENER." Not only was what he said good and what I needed to hear, the delivery was pretty profound as well. To whisper really low in my ear "to be a good listener." The point was made.
I know this was kind of a ramble, but it was just a few neat things that blessed me in the last day or so and I thought I would share.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Feeling
I don't know why, but there is something to be said for having others share the same experience as we share. I mean, when I am joyful and something amazing has happened it's neat to have someone else that is experiencing that same joy with me.
For example, when the Lewis Co. Panthers win, it would not be quite as much fun without the other coaches' wives, fans, players, coaches, and parents there experiencing the same thrill.
Some of the Alabama fans out there know what I am talking about. That National Championship victory was celebrated together with others and it just made the victory that much sweeter.
On the other side of the coin, when my team loses it's comforting to know that folks are hurting with me and understand "how I feel." Just ask the Texas Longhorn fans.
I'm the first to admit that we cannot really ever know how another person is feeling or know exactly what they are going through. The old saying, "walk a mile in my shoes or moccasins" is not entirely possible. But, we do go through similar circumstances and as someone has said "we are all more alike than different"
The other day my friend facebooked me this very truth about Jesus that He "felt compassion." Yes, Jesus felt. He feels.
A few months ago one of my friends experienced a tragedy in her life. Something unexpected and unplanned. I remember one morning praying for my friend and while I was praying I just began to imagine the circumstance that happened to her and I tried in my imagination to "go there" and tried to live what she might have gone through. I tried to "feel" what she might have felt. I must tell you I had never really done this in prayer before that I can remember. I wanted to "know" what she was feeling and what it must have been like and what she must be going through.
Now, I realize that it was not completely possible for me to experience what she felt or know exactly what she experienced, but let me tell you, taking the time in prayer to attempt to "feel" her pain, her hurt, her emotions, her anguish just made my heart more open to God while I was praying for her and made my prayer more desperate on behalf of her.
This journey that Bobby and I are on is one that will be a total WASTE to go through and not become more caring and compassionate, more feeling.
For example, when the Lewis Co. Panthers win, it would not be quite as much fun without the other coaches' wives, fans, players, coaches, and parents there experiencing the same thrill.
Some of the Alabama fans out there know what I am talking about. That National Championship victory was celebrated together with others and it just made the victory that much sweeter.
On the other side of the coin, when my team loses it's comforting to know that folks are hurting with me and understand "how I feel." Just ask the Texas Longhorn fans.
I'm the first to admit that we cannot really ever know how another person is feeling or know exactly what they are going through. The old saying, "walk a mile in my shoes or moccasins" is not entirely possible. But, we do go through similar circumstances and as someone has said "we are all more alike than different"
The other day my friend facebooked me this very truth about Jesus that He "felt compassion." Yes, Jesus felt. He feels.
A few months ago one of my friends experienced a tragedy in her life. Something unexpected and unplanned. I remember one morning praying for my friend and while I was praying I just began to imagine the circumstance that happened to her and I tried in my imagination to "go there" and tried to live what she might have gone through. I tried to "feel" what she might have felt. I must tell you I had never really done this in prayer before that I can remember. I wanted to "know" what she was feeling and what it must have been like and what she must be going through.
Now, I realize that it was not completely possible for me to experience what she felt or know exactly what she experienced, but let me tell you, taking the time in prayer to attempt to "feel" her pain, her hurt, her emotions, her anguish just made my heart more open to God while I was praying for her and made my prayer more desperate on behalf of her.
This journey that Bobby and I are on is one that will be a total WASTE to go through and not become more caring and compassionate, more feeling.
I soooo want to be moldable. God is the Potter, I am the clay.
I want to learn to walk through life and be willing to not turn away from the hard stuff because it hurts too much. I want to learn to hurt with others. I want to be moved into ACTION.
May it be so. Growing and learning.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
What's better than...
Today on facebook I was chatting with my friend, Kat(Kathy) who is also a teacher, but not here in Hohenwald. Anyway, I typed, " what is better than a snow day." You think students get excited about snow days? Have you ever been around a group of teachers when the news is sprung that "we are going to be out" of school the next day?
Oh, my word!!! We get just a tad happy. Now, like my niece Clare would say, "and your point is?" My point is that got me thinking about that phrase, "what is better than."
So here are some "what is better than's" that came to mind. . .
What is better than a snow day
What is better than two snow days
What is better than a snow day on the day you are supposed to go back after Christmas break
What is better than a huge diet coke in a glass glass with ice and a straw
What is better than girl friends all gathered 'round late at night bent over with laughter
What is better than a good cry
What is better than a scalding hot shower on a COLD January morning
What is better than the alarm going off and hitting snooze
What is better than laughing once again with "old" friends about old stories that you've heard too many times to count
What is better than hearing the garage door go up and knowing your loved one is home
What is better than thinking it is 8:00 p.m. but it's really only 7:00 p.m.
What is better than reading in a book something you had felt and thought but never could have articulated and knowing that someone else thinks like you
What is better than sharing conversation with someone else who is going through what you are going through
What is better than good friends praying together
What is better than seeing the back of a bus (said by teacher Ruth on the last day of school as the buses were pulling out of the school for summer break. She actually said what is more beautiful than the back of a bus, but I changed it to better fit this blog :)
What is better than having a God whose lovingkindness never ceases and His compassions never fail (Lamentations 3:22)
What is better than getting a card in the mail from a good friend
What is better than the sound of your husband sleeping when sleep has eluded him so often during this journey
What is better than watching your husband enjoy every single bite of a huge breakfast at Cracker Barrel knowing that his appetite won't be up to par the next several days after chemo.
What is better than secretly squeezing my husband's hand 3 times and then him squeezing mine back 4 times
3 times = I love you
4 times = I love you, too (we stole that idea from Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen)
What is better than your football team winning and winning BIG
What is better than a comfortable seat when your feet are killing you
What is better than knowing God is with you
What is better than learning contentment in the midst of the journey
What is better than "if God is for us who can be against us" Romans 8:31b
What is better than ________________ Your turn. You fill in the blank
I'd love to hear some of y'all's blanks if you'd like to facebook me.
Oh, my word!!! We get just a tad happy. Now, like my niece Clare would say, "and your point is?" My point is that got me thinking about that phrase, "what is better than."
So here are some "what is better than's" that came to mind. . .
What is better than a snow day
What is better than two snow days
What is better than a snow day on the day you are supposed to go back after Christmas break
What is better than a huge diet coke in a glass glass with ice and a straw
What is better than girl friends all gathered 'round late at night bent over with laughter
What is better than a good cry
What is better than a scalding hot shower on a COLD January morning
What is better than the alarm going off and hitting snooze
What is better than laughing once again with "old" friends about old stories that you've heard too many times to count
What is better than hearing the garage door go up and knowing your loved one is home
What is better than thinking it is 8:00 p.m. but it's really only 7:00 p.m.
What is better than reading in a book something you had felt and thought but never could have articulated and knowing that someone else thinks like you
What is better than sharing conversation with someone else who is going through what you are going through
What is better than good friends praying together
What is better than seeing the back of a bus (said by teacher Ruth on the last day of school as the buses were pulling out of the school for summer break. She actually said what is more beautiful than the back of a bus, but I changed it to better fit this blog :)
What is better than having a God whose lovingkindness never ceases and His compassions never fail (Lamentations 3:22)
What is better than getting a card in the mail from a good friend
What is better than the sound of your husband sleeping when sleep has eluded him so often during this journey
What is better than watching your husband enjoy every single bite of a huge breakfast at Cracker Barrel knowing that his appetite won't be up to par the next several days after chemo.
What is better than secretly squeezing my husband's hand 3 times and then him squeezing mine back 4 times
3 times = I love you
4 times = I love you, too (we stole that idea from Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen)
What is better than your football team winning and winning BIG
What is better than a comfortable seat when your feet are killing you
What is better than knowing God is with you
What is better than learning contentment in the midst of the journey
What is better than "if God is for us who can be against us" Romans 8:31b
What is better than ________________ Your turn. You fill in the blank
I'd love to hear some of y'all's blanks if you'd like to facebook me.
You Never Know
Yesterday, Wed. Jan 6th, we were at Vanderbilt for Bobby's second chemo. Before the chemo. treatment we had a doctor's appointment. While waiting for the appointment with Bobby's oncologist I noticed something.
First of all the appointment was scheduled for 10:15 a.m. We actually saw the doctor at 12:15. Yes, that was a TWO hour wait. Of course, that was frustrating, but if not for that wait, I would have missed something. Something that I think God wanted me to see.
You see a lot when you're waiting to see an oncologist(cancer doctor).
The place was packed yesterday. The waiting room was spilling over out into the hallway area that also has an area for waiting. We ended up in that hallway area. Bobby and I were talking while we waited, but then I also had my trusty Ipod shuffle (I'm getting a "big girl" Ipod soon) with me and decided to put one of the earpieces in and listen. A young girl went by. Actually she was an adult woman, but at my age I call just about everyone in their 20's and 30's girl or boy. I didn't really pay much attention. I looked up a little while later and she was standing in the area where patients check in. I could see her body and hair, but not her face. What I noticed was she was dressed really cute with jeans and boots and her hair was gorgeous. I thought to myself how pretty her hair was. She had long auburn color hair and it was stunning. I assumed she was there with a patient.
Anyway, I went on with listening to my Ipod and talking to Bobby and waiting and when I looked back up, she was gone.
FINALLY, we were called back to see the doctor. The appointment went really well and the doctor was very honest, yet encouraging. When we left his office we had to go back up front and schedule Bobby's next appointment. While waiting to do that, this "girl "came around the corner with who I assume was her husband. That's when I saw her from the front. She was a very cute "girl" probably about 22-25 years old. Her hair was gorgeous just like I said, but that's when I noticed something that I had not seen earlier. Her hair was not HER hair. It was a WIG. She was the cancer patient. She was the one that had lost HER hair and had on a wig. She had not been there with a patient like I had assumed earlier, she was the cancer patient.
I said earlier that there was something that I believe God wanted me to see. It wasn't just a young lady in a wig he wanted me to see.
He wanted me to see that I never know what's going on with someone by just a quick glance. We can never tell by looking at what is on the outside what may be going on on the inside.
Here was this beautiful head of hair, but underneath there was no hair. What's really underneath the people I see everyday. Am I taking the time to find out? Soooo many times I do not. Most of the time I do not.
This was not something new that I saw, it was just another reminder to me to listen better, to take notice more, and to linger longer.
I realize that none of us can "save the world." We cannot help everyone. But in 2006 I found a quote that says, "everyone cannot do everything, but everyone can do something".
I have to ask myself the question again TODAY, "who is in my life that I need to listen to more, ask deeper questions of, LINGER WITH?"
First of all the appointment was scheduled for 10:15 a.m. We actually saw the doctor at 12:15. Yes, that was a TWO hour wait. Of course, that was frustrating, but if not for that wait, I would have missed something. Something that I think God wanted me to see.
You see a lot when you're waiting to see an oncologist(cancer doctor).
The place was packed yesterday. The waiting room was spilling over out into the hallway area that also has an area for waiting. We ended up in that hallway area. Bobby and I were talking while we waited, but then I also had my trusty Ipod shuffle (I'm getting a "big girl" Ipod soon) with me and decided to put one of the earpieces in and listen. A young girl went by. Actually she was an adult woman, but at my age I call just about everyone in their 20's and 30's girl or boy. I didn't really pay much attention. I looked up a little while later and she was standing in the area where patients check in. I could see her body and hair, but not her face. What I noticed was she was dressed really cute with jeans and boots and her hair was gorgeous. I thought to myself how pretty her hair was. She had long auburn color hair and it was stunning. I assumed she was there with a patient.
Anyway, I went on with listening to my Ipod and talking to Bobby and waiting and when I looked back up, she was gone.
FINALLY, we were called back to see the doctor. The appointment went really well and the doctor was very honest, yet encouraging. When we left his office we had to go back up front and schedule Bobby's next appointment. While waiting to do that, this "girl "came around the corner with who I assume was her husband. That's when I saw her from the front. She was a very cute "girl" probably about 22-25 years old. Her hair was gorgeous just like I said, but that's when I noticed something that I had not seen earlier. Her hair was not HER hair. It was a WIG. She was the cancer patient. She was the one that had lost HER hair and had on a wig. She had not been there with a patient like I had assumed earlier, she was the cancer patient.
I said earlier that there was something that I believe God wanted me to see. It wasn't just a young lady in a wig he wanted me to see.
He wanted me to see that I never know what's going on with someone by just a quick glance. We can never tell by looking at what is on the outside what may be going on on the inside.
Here was this beautiful head of hair, but underneath there was no hair. What's really underneath the people I see everyday. Am I taking the time to find out? Soooo many times I do not. Most of the time I do not.
This was not something new that I saw, it was just another reminder to me to listen better, to take notice more, and to linger longer.
I realize that none of us can "save the world." We cannot help everyone. But in 2006 I found a quote that says, "everyone cannot do everything, but everyone can do something".
I have to ask myself the question again TODAY, "who is in my life that I need to listen to more, ask deeper questions of, LINGER WITH?"
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Overflow
A quick update on Bobby. We went to Vanderbilt today to meet with our doctor and for his second chemo. Both went very well except for the slight frustration of having to wait 2 hours to see the doctor and then of course, that put us way behind on the chemo.
Bobby takes chemo every 3 weeks. He did quite well with the first round. He had somewhat minor side effects. Some nausea at the beginning, a couple of slight headaches at the beginning, a churning stomache a few times, and losing hair, plus a few other minor things. Overall, it wasn't too bad. We thought it went pretty well.
By the way, I am not sharing anything about Bobby with you that he has not given me permission to share.
This is one of those times when I sooooo wish I had an amazing gift of expression. I am not eloquent enough to express what I feel and want to say, but dad gum it (as Bobby would say) I am going to give it my best shot.
As I type this, I soooo wish you could see inside my heart and mind. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel for the outpouring of kindness, love, and support that we have and are presently receiving.
I said when I started this blog that I would never use any one's name without their permission, but it's a woman's right to change her mind or that's what I've always been told. :)
Having said that, if you see your name in here and you want it removed just give me a holler and I'll consider your request. :)
Back to the gratitude. I don't think there has been a day go by since we started this journey that we have not received a call, card, e-mail, facebook message, or visit from family or friend or even strangers to encourage us.
Every single time someone tells me they are praying for us or thinking of us or tell Bobby "so and so" I do my dad gum (as Bobby would say) best to tell him. I try extra hard not to forget. It is such a blessing for us to FEEL the love from soooooo many. I have said it several times, but it is the truth, it is soooo humbling.
I am sure the soooo's are getting on some of y'all's nerves, but you will just have to DEAL, because like I said I am not that great at expressing myself. But I digress.
Back to the gratitude.
Here is just a random sampling of some of the blessings that have been poured out on us in the last 36 hours only:
Bobby's uncle came by and delivered one of his favorite meals from Bobby's aunt. She has fixed this meal for him 4 or 5 times lately. The woman can COOK.
Last night Bobby was gone to the basketball game and while he was gone two former football players at separate times dropped by to see him. I hated he wasn't here, but he later talked to them by phone. One even came bearing a cake. Not just any cake, but a beautiful and I found out when he left,delicious butterfinger cake all wrapped up fancy with ribbon and cellophane with an encouraging message and scripture attached.
Three friends that used to coach with Bobby called last night, two called here and one called him on his cell. A man named Steve from Texas who is friends with Barrett and Katie(our friends) called Bobby. Steve went through lymphoma himself and has been a HUGE encouragement to Bobby. Steve also sent us a book and DVD. The book and DVD have been encouraging to us. THANKS, STEVE. Did I mention, we don't even know Steve.
I came home from Vanderbilt tonight about 8:00 and got on facebook shortly thereafter to find several messages from friends and family who said they had been thinking and or praying for us today. I cannot tell you the number of people who tell us they are praying for us. It is once again soooo humbling. I had 3 live chats before I started writing this blog from friends encouraging me and just letting me know they are praying and thinking of us. One was a friend from college who just found out tonight about Bobby.
A friend who used to coach with Bobby came all the way to Vanderbilt today to surprise Bobby and spend time with him while he took chemo. Thanks again, Chad.
All the coaches have been so amazing and supportive.
Phone calls from our family and friends are just a constant and welcome blessing and help.
Like I said that is just a random sampling of some of the wonderful blessings in the last 36 hours that make this journey easier for us.
We all know the Beatles' song, "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends." How true that is.
I am so thankful that God has put people in our lives that are the hands and feet of Jesus.
Oh, how I pray that Bobby and I will be that as well.
Bobby takes chemo every 3 weeks. He did quite well with the first round. He had somewhat minor side effects. Some nausea at the beginning, a couple of slight headaches at the beginning, a churning stomache a few times, and losing hair, plus a few other minor things. Overall, it wasn't too bad. We thought it went pretty well.
By the way, I am not sharing anything about Bobby with you that he has not given me permission to share.
This is one of those times when I sooooo wish I had an amazing gift of expression. I am not eloquent enough to express what I feel and want to say, but dad gum it (as Bobby would say) I am going to give it my best shot.
As I type this, I soooo wish you could see inside my heart and mind. There are no words to express the gratitude I feel for the outpouring of kindness, love, and support that we have and are presently receiving.
I said when I started this blog that I would never use any one's name without their permission, but it's a woman's right to change her mind or that's what I've always been told. :)
Having said that, if you see your name in here and you want it removed just give me a holler and I'll consider your request. :)
Back to the gratitude. I don't think there has been a day go by since we started this journey that we have not received a call, card, e-mail, facebook message, or visit from family or friend or even strangers to encourage us.
Every single time someone tells me they are praying for us or thinking of us or tell Bobby "so and so" I do my dad gum (as Bobby would say) best to tell him. I try extra hard not to forget. It is such a blessing for us to FEEL the love from soooooo many. I have said it several times, but it is the truth, it is soooo humbling.
I am sure the soooo's are getting on some of y'all's nerves, but you will just have to DEAL, because like I said I am not that great at expressing myself. But I digress.
Back to the gratitude.
Here is just a random sampling of some of the blessings that have been poured out on us in the last 36 hours only:
Bobby's uncle came by and delivered one of his favorite meals from Bobby's aunt. She has fixed this meal for him 4 or 5 times lately. The woman can COOK.
Last night Bobby was gone to the basketball game and while he was gone two former football players at separate times dropped by to see him. I hated he wasn't here, but he later talked to them by phone. One even came bearing a cake. Not just any cake, but a beautiful and I found out when he left,delicious butterfinger cake all wrapped up fancy with ribbon and cellophane with an encouraging message and scripture attached.
Three friends that used to coach with Bobby called last night, two called here and one called him on his cell. A man named Steve from Texas who is friends with Barrett and Katie(our friends) called Bobby. Steve went through lymphoma himself and has been a HUGE encouragement to Bobby. Steve also sent us a book and DVD. The book and DVD have been encouraging to us. THANKS, STEVE. Did I mention, we don't even know Steve.
I came home from Vanderbilt tonight about 8:00 and got on facebook shortly thereafter to find several messages from friends and family who said they had been thinking and or praying for us today. I cannot tell you the number of people who tell us they are praying for us. It is once again soooo humbling. I had 3 live chats before I started writing this blog from friends encouraging me and just letting me know they are praying and thinking of us. One was a friend from college who just found out tonight about Bobby.
A friend who used to coach with Bobby came all the way to Vanderbilt today to surprise Bobby and spend time with him while he took chemo. Thanks again, Chad.
All the coaches have been so amazing and supportive.
Phone calls from our family and friends are just a constant and welcome blessing and help.
Like I said that is just a random sampling of some of the wonderful blessings in the last 36 hours that make this journey easier for us.
We all know the Beatles' song, "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends." How true that is.
I am so thankful that God has put people in our lives that are the hands and feet of Jesus.
Oh, how I pray that Bobby and I will be that as well.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
One day at a Time
Just to kind of give you an update of what's going on with me lately, I've been thinking more and more about this living one day at a time thing. Some use the phrase living in the moment. Some say being present.
Anyway, in some of my other blogs I've mentioned that I am learning to live one day at a time or day by day.
Here's the thing, it's sometimes hard to get my mind around it, to know if I am truly living that way. I will be going along enjoying the day or dealing with what I need to do for today, but then an issue comes up about something later in the week and I'm like, "is it okay to think about that today or do we need to wait and discuss that later."
I'm telling you, if you didn't realize it already, I am kind of on the "weird side." I think some really crazy thoughts sometimes. I mean, is there really anyone else out there that thinks about these things and analyzes these things like I do???
Let me give you a recent example. This Wed, Jan. 6, we go back for Bobby's second chemo. treatment. He has been feeling pretty well the last week or so and really well today. We got to talking about the first chemo. cycle and how this second one will probably be similar or the same. We talked about what happened on each day of the first chemo. cycle and the way he felt each day, the different side effects he experienced, his appetite, etc.
Okay, here's the thing..... If I'm talking about all that stuff now before it happens, Is that living in the moment, is that living one day at a time? That's what I'm dealing with lately.
I realize you have to talk about things that are going to happen tomorrow. I cannot just NEVER discuss the next day's activities or plan for a trip or plan for something?
Bobby was saying how we should leave a little early on Wed. on the way to chemo. and eat at Cracker Barrel (who doesn't like Cracker Barrel) because he will be feeling good on the way up to his treatment and he is probably thinking ahead of the days food will not taste as good to him. We were discussing what time to leave and still get to the doctor on time.
During the conversation about Cracker Barrel I'm thinking, "am I living one day at a time?"
I know that in scripture Jesus talked about things that would happen in the future. There were lots of times that Christ made mention of future events and things that would take place and things He would do on another day. I don't think He says not to think or discuss the future, just not to be anxious or worry or fret or bite my nails, or not trust Him, or get so hung up on tomorrow that today I am MISERABLE. God doesn't want me in a big bundle of worry and fretting today about something tomorrow that may never happen. I think as I have been writing this, I kind of got my answer.
Well, like I said, I'm learning. They say when you stop learning, you might as well stop living. I don't know who "they" is, but that's what "they" say.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to stop learning. I don't want to stop living. I want to continue on this journey and learn as much as I can NOW, TODAY, IN THIS MOMENT DAY BY DAY, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Anyway, in some of my other blogs I've mentioned that I am learning to live one day at a time or day by day.
Here's the thing, it's sometimes hard to get my mind around it, to know if I am truly living that way. I will be going along enjoying the day or dealing with what I need to do for today, but then an issue comes up about something later in the week and I'm like, "is it okay to think about that today or do we need to wait and discuss that later."
I'm telling you, if you didn't realize it already, I am kind of on the "weird side." I think some really crazy thoughts sometimes. I mean, is there really anyone else out there that thinks about these things and analyzes these things like I do???
Let me give you a recent example. This Wed, Jan. 6, we go back for Bobby's second chemo. treatment. He has been feeling pretty well the last week or so and really well today. We got to talking about the first chemo. cycle and how this second one will probably be similar or the same. We talked about what happened on each day of the first chemo. cycle and the way he felt each day, the different side effects he experienced, his appetite, etc.
Okay, here's the thing..... If I'm talking about all that stuff now before it happens, Is that living in the moment, is that living one day at a time? That's what I'm dealing with lately.
I realize you have to talk about things that are going to happen tomorrow. I cannot just NEVER discuss the next day's activities or plan for a trip or plan for something?
Bobby was saying how we should leave a little early on Wed. on the way to chemo. and eat at Cracker Barrel (who doesn't like Cracker Barrel) because he will be feeling good on the way up to his treatment and he is probably thinking ahead of the days food will not taste as good to him. We were discussing what time to leave and still get to the doctor on time.
During the conversation about Cracker Barrel I'm thinking, "am I living one day at a time?"
I know that in scripture Jesus talked about things that would happen in the future. There were lots of times that Christ made mention of future events and things that would take place and things He would do on another day. I don't think He says not to think or discuss the future, just not to be anxious or worry or fret or bite my nails, or not trust Him, or get so hung up on tomorrow that today I am MISERABLE. God doesn't want me in a big bundle of worry and fretting today about something tomorrow that may never happen. I think as I have been writing this, I kind of got my answer.
Well, like I said, I'm learning. They say when you stop learning, you might as well stop living. I don't know who "they" is, but that's what "they" say.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to stop learning. I don't want to stop living. I want to continue on this journey and learn as much as I can NOW, TODAY, IN THIS MOMENT DAY BY DAY, ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Time
There has been much said about time. Some things that come to mind as I type are: Time marches on, Time waits for no man, Time is on our side, Time is running out, Redeem the time
Through this journey that Bobby and I are on, I am learning to savor time, to take one day at a time, and not to presume that I have more of it than I may really have. There isn't much good about cancer, but I guess one thing that you might say is good about it is, it is a wake up call to really look at what really matters in life and to appreciate all the little things that maybe I wasn't appreciating before. Things like walking hand in hand with Bobby in ice cold wind in NYC to look at Christmas window displays, things like the delicious taste of hot chocolate after coming in from that ice cold wind, things like a group taking up money for the homeless, things like a man squated with cardboard that read, "I'll take anything," things like a hug from a family member or friend, things like a little girl pulling a pink suitcase in the airport. Things I might have once just glanced at and gone on by, but now I stop and take notice and take action.
I'm not saying that I've got this thing down to perfection. Some of you know me too well for that. I'm not saying I don't still get upset and let things upset me. I'm just saying that I am more sensitive and more open and more aware of the blessings that God has and is pouring out in our lives. The fact that we got to go on our NYC trip that we had planned before we knew we would be on this journey is such a grace gift. We were so thankful to get to go and that Bobby felt so good on the trip.
Joyful 2010 to all. Time is marching...........
Through this journey that Bobby and I are on, I am learning to savor time, to take one day at a time, and not to presume that I have more of it than I may really have. There isn't much good about cancer, but I guess one thing that you might say is good about it is, it is a wake up call to really look at what really matters in life and to appreciate all the little things that maybe I wasn't appreciating before. Things like walking hand in hand with Bobby in ice cold wind in NYC to look at Christmas window displays, things like the delicious taste of hot chocolate after coming in from that ice cold wind, things like a group taking up money for the homeless, things like a man squated with cardboard that read, "I'll take anything," things like a hug from a family member or friend, things like a little girl pulling a pink suitcase in the airport. Things I might have once just glanced at and gone on by, but now I stop and take notice and take action.
I'm not saying that I've got this thing down to perfection. Some of you know me too well for that. I'm not saying I don't still get upset and let things upset me. I'm just saying that I am more sensitive and more open and more aware of the blessings that God has and is pouring out in our lives. The fact that we got to go on our NYC trip that we had planned before we knew we would be on this journey is such a grace gift. We were so thankful to get to go and that Bobby felt so good on the trip.
Joyful 2010 to all. Time is marching...........
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